Accept My Beautiful Self

I'm currently reading the book, "The Language of Emotion," and I had a light-bulb experience yesterday whilst reading. The author was writing about how behavior changes after a trauma. She listed a couple things that stuck out in my mind as indicators:

1) your emotions are seemingly uncontrollable
2) Makes one look outside of themselves for validation

I'm coming to understand that the trauma I experienced as a child is what essentially made me lose control of my emotions. For years, I have fought with the realization that I don't have control.....beating myself up psychologically for not being the person on the outside that I thought I knew so well on the inside. Not only was I having problems with my emotions, but I also spent most of my life living for other people. Instead of doing the things I value in my own life that I am truly GOOD at, I've been dabbling here and there in the things I think are cool or what other people like......I don't know what I've been thinking! Did I think I was just going to pick up a bat and hit a home run?!!

So, in an effort to be Me, I have created a list of who I see myself as and who I desire to be:

A Reiki Master
A Meditator
A Yoga Teacher
A Writer
Full of Prayer everyday
To Love others wholeheartedly

To love myself
Exercise - yoga, walking, hiking, walking the dog

To cook gourmet; even if it's for me alone
A photographer

I want to be connected....on every level.....I want others to know I am present.
To save money and have an emergency fund!

A Christian....Christ Lover
I want to be in love with God again.....
Feel like God is in love with me again......

To be joyful
To learn to love my imperfections instead of using negative self-talk

I want to be the best pet parent

I want to be close to my family
and allow them to be close to me

To accept my beautiful self just as I am......