Discovering Happiness

Happy: delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing; characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy.

If you notice, each of these statements by themselves means something different. The first statement, "delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing", tells me someone is happy because he got a new car or won the spelling bee. The second statement, "characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy." This statement tells me happiness can be defined by something more concrete. Joy tells me it is everlasting.

Yesterday I did something that took a lot for me to do. I did something I didn't think I was ready for. This something is an adventure hundreds of thousands of people do every day....go on a job interview. In fact, I've been on countless interviews throughout my life, but this one has changed my perspective forever. Originally, I was not going to apply for this job. I don't have one of the major components concerning qualifications. However, I also know this is the job I desire for myself in the future. So instead of ascertaining this idea of futility, I decided to make this an efficacious experiment. I wanted the experience of interviewing just to see what they were looking for. I had no intentions of actual attainment.

People have asked me: "So, how did it go?!!" Comically, my response does not come from a desire for the job, but a place inside me that says: "It's what I got out of going to the interview, not what will eventually come from the interview itself."

What happened? I reached inside myself and stretched. I stretched my beliefs in myself, about myself, about my place in the world. It was like the invigorating feeling you get when you learn something new.....that feeling you get when the synapses in your brain are firing! The energy and stimulation only make you want to keep going.

At one point, I ended up at a gas station. I got out of my car and went into the market to buy a bottle of water. I came back out, got into my car, and a guy walks up to my car and says something incoherently. He was holding a can and I assumed he was selling whatever it was. He handed it to me and this is the account of our conversation:

Guy: "Why don't you just buy it for your husband?"

Me: "I don't have a husband."

Guy: "For your boyfriend then."

Me: "I don't have a boyfriend."

Guy: "I could be your boyfriend and you could give it to me."

Me: LOL - "very funny."

Guy: "Why don't you take down my number and call me when you want to hang out."

Me: "Um....no thank you."

Guy: "Really? No? You're really pretty."

Me: "Thank you, but I'm just not interested."

Guy: "Oh! Why you gotta be mean for?"

Me: "If honesty is mean, then I'm really sorry."

Now I know there are many ladies who are well-versed in telling the not-so-attractive-guy-who-sells-canned-car-wash to go take a hike. While my sister is a pro, I have always had a really hard time with this. I reacted much in the same way the guy did.....I didn't want to be mean. I placed myself in the shoes of the other person and allowed myself to be driven by the actions of others. I realized yesterday that by doing this, I not only forsake my true self, but I am not being honest either. If you know me, honesty is at my core being; I'm driven by it. Previous to this encounter, I would have taken his number or told him I was a lesbian just to make him go away. In effect, this would have told him I was going to call when I had no intention or give him a boldfaced lie. Either way.....no honesty there.

My willingness to be honest with the canned car wash guy and go on an interview I never even considered mine opened up new psychological avenues for me. It has helped me understand that sometimes growth is fun and exhilarating....and it isn't always painful. ;) I'm discovering that happiness is not just "delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing", but can also be, "characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy."

Discovering happiness........